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How Arsene plans to dodge Loose Women

OPINION: At a stage in life when most of us are desperate for the world of work’s finishing line, former Gunners boss is ready to go back

18 October, 2018 — By Richard Osley

Former Gunners boss Arsene Wenger – not ready for retirement

THE government is currently looking at raising the retirement age to 68, which may sound gloomy but if nothing else means that there is only another 30 years – max – of this column.

I say max, as all jobs are to be automated there are robot-makers out there right now developing a keyboard-crunching android that can tap out newspaper columns of varying quality which rinse every last drop out of Arsenal’s ‘Invincibles’ season.

The Osleybot Laserwriter 2020 will be able to remind you at every turn that the club once went a whole season without losing a match, and that Spurs are diabolical for any number of unfair and loosely argued reasons.

Despite this energy-deflating guide from Whitehall about when we can finally cash-a-go-go on the £1.75p-a-week state pension, Arsene Wenger announced this week that he expects to be back in work by January. His age? 68.

So at a stage in life when most may be desperate for the world of work’s finishing line, if their livelihoods have not already been eaten up by cyborgs, Wenger is ready to get stuck in all over again. The rascal.

“I have big experience on different levels,” he told Bild, the German newspaper, sounding like he still needs to send in a cover letter and a CV for a job.“There are enquiries from all over the world.”

There are only two possible explanations for this keenness to return to work, when a lot of folk – at 68 – would accept Pip Schofield and Holly Willoughby are making a good fist of This Morning and mid-morning can now be a relaxing time for staring through the TV with a cup of peppermint tea in hand. Fifteen-To-One isn’t as good as the old days but in those days did we have Loose Women?

Those reasons: One, Arsene Wenger’s love for football meant he was happy to be paid a pittance during those 22 years at Arsenal and now needs the work; some months the electric, water, phone and Littlewoods gets taken out at the same time and it’s a nightmare for him.

Or two, and admittedly more likely, Arsene Wenger’s love for football has created an addiction, to an extent that maybe friends should stage an intervention.

The oft-repeated story goes that he used to stay up every evening watching videos of random matches. It was football, football, football, all the time football.

It’s this addiction which probably led to him staying on as Arsenal’s totem figure, longer than was wise but now it’s stopping him from taking up a U3A bird photography course, a new language, salsa or Spotify.

Instead, we may have to watch Arsene working on into his 70s, 80s, searching for invincibility again but with a new love.

It would be painful to see if he fails, but it might be even more so if he succeeds with someone else.

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